no second chances

I am wondering if anyone is actually reading this......besides, you Scott. Well, maybe Scott is not reading anymore, I took so long getting back in here. SO, tell ya what, if anyone is out there, leave a note, so I will know that I am not sitting here talking to myself. Ok, I'll probably talk to myself anyway, but that's beside the point!

Now, where were we?

oh, yes, Daddy called!

So I answer the phone and hear, "this is your daddy, can we talk for a bit?" I gritted my teeth and thought. I was still having nightmares about the things this man did to me, I had so much emotional baggage leftover from daddy's "love". Did I really want to hear what the man had to say?

I let him talk. He told me that what he had done was wrong, and that he knew that he couldn't take any of it back, but he was sorry and begged for my forgiveness. He was remarried now, with two small children. He was going to church and had been saved. And he was dying of a heart condition, so he needed to get right with the Lord and with me. He actually said all that to me.

I hung up and spent a couple weeks in thoughtful prayer. I knew that Christ could forgive him, just as Christ had forgiven the thief on the cross, but was I strong enough to forgive him? Eventually, I decided to lay it all on God's hands, and as soon as I did, I felt as though a huge burgen had been lifted from me. I called daddy and told him that I could forgive him, and then helped him decide what route to take for his heart condition.

A few weeks later, he asked me and my family to share Christmas dinner with him. I reluctantly agreed, and bought some presents for his two children. We ended up having a very nice dinner together and his children seemed pleased with the gifts that we got them. My boys felt a little awkward during the beginning, but soon relaxed and enjoyed themselves as well. To top it all off, the heart condition was improving!

Daddy was killed in a motorcycle accident about six months later. He was within a mile of home, and was pulling out of the gas station when an elderly man hit him, throwing him from the bike.
I was a little shocked at how upset I was. I really didn't expect to feel the sadness that I felt when my sister made the call to tell me that he was dead.

Then, when it was time to go in to view the body (a VERY morbid custom), I had a very hard time! I stood for about 15 minutes and stared at his hands. I kept remembering horrid things about those hands and there they were completely still as though frozen in time. After awhile, I was able to find comfort in knowing that he had made things right, with both me and the Lord. I do wish that he and I would have been able to continue the relationship that we had formed so shortly before his death.

It seems so ironic to me. When me and my siblings were younger, he wasn't there for us, we grew up without a daddy. Now that he had two young children, he was doing so good with them, but now despite all that, they too will grow up with out a daddy. He also had another daughter that lived out of the country, and had just met her for the first time. It seems to me that we, as mothers, fathers, sisters, etc NEED to take care as to what we do because, sometimes, there just are no second chances. We should love and love right from the very beginning, and never part in anger because you don't know if you will be able see that person alive again. Live as though there are no second chances!

It was at daddy's funeral, that I met my stepsister who live out of the country. She was a beautiful person, and I very much look forward to seeing her again! We hit it off pretty quick, in part, I think, because we both knew what it was like to not know who our father was. She is hoping to make it back to the states next year, so maybe there will be a huge cookout with me and ALL of my siblings! I hope so.